I grew up in a large family, however my oldest siblings were pretty much out of the house by the time my sisters and I were adopted in so we really were just raised together. When I was seven years old my oldest brother and his wife had their first child, a baby boy named Joseph. I learned quickly the ins and outs of bottle feeding, holding, diaper changing, burping, and various other duties of a mother. My sis-in-law had four more children after Joe, all girls. Due to family circumstances I spent a lot of time playing with these kids and helping when I could. I LOVE children and loved spending time with my nieces. I also have other nieces and nephews, I just seemed to spend more time with the original five above...partly because we always lived so close to them. These kids were great, always on a good schedule, ate well, happy, smiley, so much fun. These guys were/are loved. I would say my sister-in-law and bro are great examples of parents. The way they raised their kids worked for them, they made certain decisions that worked best for their children. I formed my opinion on how children should be raised completely on how they raised their five children, how they chose to feed, how they chose to sleep, how they chose to discipline and forgot to take into account when my first was born, that she is in NO way related to my family, she is of completely different origin and of completely different blood, she has a completely different personality then any of my nieces and nephews. I can't take my children and say..."aww how sweet, they remind me of my brother- so and so" because thats really just silly, and it is the reality of the situation. This is my reality as an adopted child. Basically what I came to realize is I am my own person and just because my family does something one way, doesnt mean I have to fall in line and do it the same way...this goes for all siblings in every family (adopted or not). When you become a parent, you have to accept that responsibility and read the cues of your own child and then make the best decision based on circumstances, your child, and you. I spent so much time with my first daughter trying to fall in line with how I had seen my nieces and nephew raised that I was completely rejected by my daughter. We were never really in sync, I tried the CIO method, I tried breastfeeding, I tried spanking (not a method my bro and sis-in-law used btw), I tried timeouts...I tried it all and felt like I was failing because my daughter just didn't/doesn't respond to these methods. Guess what, I was failing. I was failing to recognize that not every child is the same and not every parent is the same. I was trying to conform my daughter and husband to an idea I had from what I had seen growing up without taking into account that my husband and I have a completely different dynamic, my husband has no clue how my nieces and nephews were raised and my husband has his own opinions on how children should be raised. I was making decisions on how to raise OUR daughter and forcing my husband to fall in line because 'I'm the mother'. Unfortunately I continued that cycle for about 2 years, until I had two children and was pregnant with the third and I realized...the way I was parenting was not working for my children, me or my husband. Massive changes started happening and are still happening. I went from the 'Cry it out' methods to 'Love it out', I went from strict forceful scheduled naps and bedtimes to a more relaxed structured day. I went from spanking and yelling (which is a discipline method I just kinda fell into) to understanding and extra attention. All that being said, my dear Clare and dear Paul started cuddling with me, started proclaiming their love for my husband and I. My husband felt like he was more of a father (he didnt like being forceful with our children). I have been so rewarded since changing my outlook and views on parenting and family. None of these changes were made without lots of prayer and some very humbling moments when I stepped back and saw I was the problem, not my innocent little children.
Now I can proudly say I am the Mom, that doesnt leave her child to cry it out at anytime, you can often find me doing chores with a baby in the sling or a tot in the ergo, you will find that Clare and Paul help quite often with the mopping of the floor or folding of laundry. You will also find that I breastfeed until my babies want to stop which is a sad day for me because I enjoy that special 'quiet' personal time with my children, you will find that I dont run to the doctor for every cold, sniffle and fever...actually I typically run to the Chiropractor (but that story is for a different day). If I took a snapshot of my bed in the morning, you would see one manly husband, and three little red heads, thats right *Gasp* we let our babies get into bed with us...we get more sleep that way and saves on the heating bill :)
Chiropractor post tomorrow!
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